As the academic year comes to an end and the students that so dutifully have gathered on Sundays to study, grumble, fall in love, and meet their parents expectations are soon headed to various different camps, programs and vacations. It seems that evey moment of their space is fully programmed these days. Yet that’s not my cheif complaint today. No, although they have no time, or squeeze in every little thing they can, it is my own life that i am wondering about today.
Ministry it seems is mostly a seasonal entity regarding programming and liturgy. It revolves around the days when the most people decide to come to church. Now, as simple as this is, the challenge becomes preparartion. I’d say that 90% of my time is spent in planning, scheming and getting ready for things that take a tenth of the time it takes to prepare. It feels a little weird. My day isd mostly spent in the office typing, sending emails, making phone calls, reading materials and curriculum, and tying things together so that they go off without a hitch. There’s something fundamentally wrong with this. Maybe it’s scriptural. Am I building the golden calf that, as Aaron tried to explain, was once a real image of God? Or maybe it’s Mary and Martha all over again? Either way, i’m putting a program and its planning before the relationships that sustain it. That, my dear friends, is hypocrisy. This isn’t how I had planned on celebrating the half life of my ministry. No, I thought I’d feel pretty good abot everything that I’d done thus far.
Instead, I have discerned that I entered into a system and it pushed me into the backwards mentality and program. I truly believe I came in as one who could focus onthe relationships, but as i look back, I see that I didn’t hold my head up long enough. I dove into the water, hoping that by swimming I could win the race. fool that I was, there was a boat next door if I’d only looked.
So what now? I’m still in the office programming the life out of ministry. I’ll try for converstations, walking the streets, entering into the world rather than hiding from it through the mask of programs. i’ll push myself back into my awkwardly comfortable discomfort. There are so many opportunities for this community. So many ways to not get caught up in the programs. So many moments to empower others and live with each other in the event, programmed or not. Somehow I’ll find the oomph to change tracks and stay on top of everything. It’s too much really, but maybe there if I find more there will actually be less.
