Well. I asked for it. I live a lonely life in the world of ministry. My colleagues are all single, divorced, or in distant oddly functional relationships. I’d toyed with the idea of a housemate for many months now, but it materialized when a friend was looking for a place to stay. “Sure!” I said, thinking that this would be great! Another person to relate too on a regular basis. Yet now it has been several moons and disfunction is setting in. I have trouble understanding the career choice, lack of employment, search for dream, seemingly anorexic/control of diet, and need for human contact. As an introvert I receive more than my share of contact during my day and evenings among my flock. What little intimacy I have left I want to share with my beloved (a distance relationship), over the phone or in one of our weekend visits. Somehow it needs to be addressed. Maybe a pow wow? A sit down? a heart to heart? here is why friends should never become housemates…it can ruin friendships. I’m hoping that it does not ruin this one and think an intervention, on my behalf, and my abode dweller are needed. Yes, we both need help. I’m a modestly depressed, workaholic, introverted, live it cheap minister guy. My housemate is an aspiring artist, following a dream (to what end?), diet nut who is probably dealing with more emotional and physical stress than I can imagine. Together we make a household of silence with occasional snippets. Terse.
I do blame myself some. I hoped, knowing full well this would be crazy. Giving up a room, my independence (of sorts), for a housemate. No rent, no romance. Theological and philosophical stimulation, I thought. And what else? Aw yes, the past attraction in times of hardship (many years ago). I continue to pull away afraid of something, yet know full well that I am committed away and desire not a deeping here, no longer a physical attraction. But friendship. That…that I could accomodate. I just need to know how.
Relationships, intimate and otherwise take work and need work. I’m headed that direction. I just hope all my energy hasn’t been tapped and that healing can occur. If I could just step backward and forward at the same time I might be golden. Then again, doors and windows open and close for the right reasons…brutal as they sometimes are. I guess it’s time to dive into prayer life and conversation. Faith keeping is hard sometimes, especially with other people.
